ORLANDO FLORIDA CRIME

Traffic Cameras - Worse Than a Traffic Stop

The apparent poopiness of traffic cameras Soooooooo, A good friend of mine just got into a situation where a traffic camera "caught" her making an illegal right turn on a red light. That's all good and fine if there are signs that state the point; however, once a ticket is processed from these camera images the total nonsense starts. Here's what I mean:

The ticket comes to you stating the offence. Before you can fight it in court, you have to let the ticket default, have points assessed to your license, THEN have a chance to fight the ticket. You can't make payments on the ticket and you can't see anyone about the ticket because TRAFFIC CAMERA TICKETS ARE MANAGED IN NEW YORK CITY! Yes, an Orlando, Florida traffic ticket is handled and managed in New York City. Go figure!


Should Casey Anthony Testify?

Casey Anthony chowing down in a car ...yes, yes she should...

Now let's play What The Heck Is Casey Eating?











Pizza Scam on International Drive

Pizza scam around the International Drive area of Orlando targets tourists You arrive in Orlando and head over to your hotel. While unpacking or going over your "Orlando Tourist Gameplan" you realize you have a hunger from another world. Just as you think this thought you realize that someone has just mysteriously passed a flier advertising a delicious pizza for only $9.99 right under your door. "This is strange…" you think to yourself as you read the menu, "I was just thinking about food, and here it is!" So you place a call to this mysterious pizza joint that apparently doesn't have an address. "Maybe they forgot the address…it's possible that they designed these on the fly (no pun intended…) and just needed to get them out" you say to yourself as you dial the number on the flyer. A nice young lady or gentleman answers the phone and is eager to take your order. You give'em the full Monte and he/she then asks for payment. You now have two options here. You either give them your credit card number and wait patiently for a pizza that will never arrive or you tell them where to stick that pizza and hang up. You may want to consider either the second option or maybe not even calling them at all, and here's why.

In January, an investigation was initiated on a possible scam which used these restaurant fliers to gain access to credit card numbers in the hopes of a great deal on a meal. The scam became so problematic that Florida legislature passed in a law cracking down on the flier distribution. Last weekend, it was reported that the flier operations may be back in place, stealing credit card numbers with the promise of a cheap meal. Multiple fliers were compared together. Fliers with different company names and numbers used the same pricing, pictures, and even menu items. A Sgt. For the Orlando Police Department told reporters that the flier scam is still a problem on International Drive in the Sea World and Universal Studios areas. These flyers target tourists who don't know the area and take them for a ride. Some vacation, huh?

So here's the deal, oh douche bags of the pie, I love pizza; when you advertise a pie for a great deal and then steal my credit card number, you make me not want pizza anymore. What the hell did pizza ever do to you? Do you have a personal vendetta against tourists? Was your family on their way out of a theatrical performance in the big city when a group of tourists took the lives of your parents, leaving a void of vengeance in your heart? That would be pretty cool, and if I create this character for my next comic book series, I will just be needing your credit card number to set up the production costs…


Ocala National Forest Hideout?

Robert Simmons was found in the Ocala National Forest cooking meth at a site similar to this Ocala National Forest may not be close to Downtown Orlando or anything, but this is worth noting. Although Ocala National Forest is a beautiful place to bring the family on picnics, camping outings, and other great outdoor activities, it is also a safe haven for Orlando area murderers, rapists, and even meth manufacturers. Ocala National Forest is apparently a great place to take your mischief when you need a break from warrants, prying eyes, and well…the law! This national forest is a vast area of land covered in thick plant life where these dangerous individuals can hide out while being harassed by "the man". Just recently, a 53 year old man was sentenced to 10 years in federal prison for operating a meth lab in Ocala National Forest.

Robert Simmons (the emo-faced man to the left) had been previously convicted of possession of methamphetamine and this time around, he was arrested after authorities busted him at his meth lab camp site. He was recorded describing his killer meth recipe. Totaled up with his prior convictions, Robert "Dr. Buzz" (not his real moniker) Simmons will serve 10 years in federal prison for the manufacture and possession with intent to distribute methamphetamine. Here's to you Oh outdoor cooker of crack on steroids, your balding, pathetic face makes us laugh, but your customers are not laughing. They are scoring meth off some other douche out there.


911 Prank Caller

A man makes 80 prank calls to the Orlando 911 system and gets arrested A Volusia County man was arrested after making crank calls to Orlando's 911 systems. John Calvery was having a few cocktails outside of an Orlando area bar when he began making the 911 calls in which he threatened Orlando Police. Calvery had been previously arrested for the same offense in Volusia County earlier on in the year. In this particular instance, he made 80 prank calls to the system in a five hour period of time (which totals out to about one prank call every 3 to 4 minutes). In the calls, Calvery stated his cause which is to "take care" of the Orlando Police Department and all affiliated branches of law enforcement in the area due to them all being "f****** crooks". He also stated to the 911 dispatcher that he would be sitting on his porch with a gun, and he did not care if they were the cops. The barrage of calls to 911, which is very illegal, made a great start to his vigilante shakedown of the corrupt arm of the law operating in Orlando (I shouldn't need to state that this statement is highly sarcastic, but I will anyway…).

Now see if you're going to be the Barney Fife of badass-itude, taking the Dark Knight approach really doesn't matter; however, if you want to get away to fight corruption another day, you need to stock up on plenty of martial arts training (of different disciplines), high tech gadgets (like phone transmission blockers, anti-triangulators, etc.), and a massive bank account to either purchase said gadgets or bail you out of jail if you get caught.

Epic douche-nozzle Calvery was found outside of a bar in downtown Orlando sipping on bourbon and coke with two cell phones sitting on a table in front of him. Yes, this means he was not sitting in his secret lair plotting the next mission to free Orlando from the clutches of OPD corruption. I guess he may have had his priorities a little jumbled because you usually celebrate after you dominate…not the other way around, Scruffy McGee.


Hungry Burglar...Literally

Burglar breaks into a business and steals nothing except instant oatmeal It was reported by the Orlando Police Department that a burglar smashed out the front window of a business on West Colonial Drive's 400 block on May 27th. The burglar destroyed several offices in search of some goods, but ended up leaving with nothing more than a belly full of instant oatmeal. Well, this is an interesting story to say the least.

It almost reminds us here at OrlandoFloridaSucks of a messed up Santa Claus story. Jolly old vagrant stops into a local business after hours to see if there is anything he can do for them. "Hos hos hos! They make me hungry!...Let's rearrange some furniture. While I'm at it, I'll shuffle through these reports and see if I can help organize them…welp, I can't read so let's just leave these scattered around on the floor. Damn, I'm hungry now, think I'll go into the kitchen area and see wha they have for a late night snack. Awwww yeah, instant oatmeal! Think I can swing the instructions on this one even with my limited intelligence." I mean, the possibilities go on and on about what was happening during this pantry raid of instant proportions.

Got any additions? Think this guy was high on something? We do…Hit us up on our contribute link and we'll be sure to post.

User Contributed Suckitude of Orlando, FL