Orlando Traffic Map

Hawthorn Suites Orlando

Ok, I know traffic sucks everywhere.. but TRUST ME, no where is as bad as Orlando! I say a prayer every time I get behind the wheel. People here DON'T CARE if they hit you. I don't know if it's because they all drive tiny Hondas that are worthless or if it's because they are from a country where people ride in hay carts. Scientists have been studying the traffic patterns of the 84 Honda and this is what they have found.

I4 Traffic

I4 is probably the worst road in Central Florida for traffic. It may be the most traveled road so the overabundance of vehicles on it does not help matters which are why there is so much traffic, but I digress.

I4 runs from Tampa to the Daytona area (clear across the state) but the worst area would have to be the Downtown Orlando area which is constantly congested and full of construction holdups. I4 is not the prettiest road either. It runs through the "best" of Orlando and one can practically see into the prison cell windows over at 33rd (Orange County Correctional Facility). There are plenty of potholes, divots, and other damage on I4 aside from the traffic. If your vehicle overheats or breaks down in the middle of one of these traffic jams, good luck getting over to the breakdown lane (which is about the size of a bike lane on a suburban road). This is truly the crème de la crème of "suckitude" in the Orlando Traffic circuit so stay clear if you can.

International Drive Traffic

Oh yeah! International Drive! You gotta love walking up and down International Drive because you get to see some great stuff such as:

  • Tourists with the whitest bodies you have ever seen, ever!
  • Some of the most cornball, cheesy attractions that Orlando has to offer.
  • Even more cheesy themed restaurants and giant gift shops painted and shaped like tropical sea creatures.
  • Rows and rows of drivers, local and tourist, pounding their heads into their steering wheels whilst the jerkoff at the light is looking at his map and or trying to finish his fiesta burrito from the local diarrhea factory…I mean Mexican themed eatery…

Yeah, International Drive has some pretty cool stuff lining it like Pointe Orlando, Wet N Wild, Texas de Brazil, Sea World, Bahama Breeze, and even Howl at the Moon, but it has it's "not so graceful" moments as well. The congestion around this area is due mainly to the dummies that are driving around who don't know where they are going or are too cheese-struck by all the useless crap that encompasses the tourist mecca of Orlando. These people are glued to their windows admiring all the "suckasity" of International Drive that they forget to I don't know, pay attention to the fact that there are people in other vehicles in front/behind them actually paying attention to the rules of the road. Renting a car, didn't get the insurance? Park it at your hotel and hoof it if you're in the International Drive area.

SR 408 Traffic

SR 408 is a roadway that travels West to East (which is predominantly perpendicular to I4 which also runs West to East…go figure), and is one of many toll roads in Central Florida. SR 408 has its share of traffic inducing construction and a massive amount of vehicles that use the road to either commute into Downtown Orlando or to I4 to continue a commute towards Tampa, Daytona, or anywhere in between. SR 408 is a poor road to get stuck on because you'll have a stretch of road covered in cars, trucks, and everything else but then in the midst of all of this nonsense are toll checkpoints where you are forced to give a toll booth operator your hard earned cash or even play games by tossing coins into a large basket hoping the machine actually counts all your coins.

SR 408 does pack on some tourist traffic, but the majority of the traffic is going to be locals trying to get to work, home from work, or downtown for a great evening out. There is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde moment on SR 408 when it comes time to hit downtown for an evening out. Everyone is dressed to the nines in anticipation of their drunken good times being rubbed up on by majorly douche-tastic fake tan bro-douches who smell like they took a swim in David Beckham cologne. By the time these morons hit the wall of traffic on the way into downtown, coupled with how bad everyone in Orlando drives, you get the Mr. Hyde that comes out. This is when you start to see the slamming of the steering wheels and such.

SR 50 Traffic

SR 50, also known as Colonial Drive, runs from West to East Orlando and is split by I4 in Downtown Orlando. From what we have been reading so far it seems that any road that comes in contact with I4 is automatically a candidate for a major traffic jam. SR 50 is an interesting road that really doesn't offer much as far as attractions go, but it is a good way to get to the beach when over in the University of Central Florida (UCF) area and a good way to get to somewhere you would most likely be robbed if you are on the west side of I4. SR 50 gets crammed with traffic in quite a few spots including the UCF area, the 436 area, and the downtown area (all on the east side of SR 50 because I believe you cross into a completely different dimension when crossing under I4). There is quite a bit of traffic going on in those areas, but the sheer numbers of vehicles traveling SR 50 is the catalyst in the suckitude of Colonial Drive.

User Contributed Suckitude of Orlando, FL