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Frequently Asked Questions
(FAQ)
(Out of the millions of
emails I receive daily these are my favorites)
Q: A homeless man at Lake Eola told me this is
the best website in the world, is that true? A:
YES
Q: Is it true you hang out in Lake Eola
disguised as a homeless man and promote this website? A:
Watch your slanderous tongue! I have spread the word about
this wonderful website disguised as a Nun and a Cop… but never as a homeless
person!
Q: Was the Jack
Bauer character from "24" based on your life? A:
Yes, they decided on Kiefer Sutherland to play me because
they wanted to tone down my good looks a bit.. if they found someone as
genuinely rugged as me they thought it would be unbelievable.
Q: Your obviously a genius, just how smart are
you? A:
Science doesn't have a way to measure it yet. I tried to apply for Mensa
years ago, but found their tests to be very discriminatory to people who are a
little slow. I therefore started my own organization called Mansa. The only test
is to find the sign-up website. The URL is a string of 47 letters and numbers. I
am currently the only member.
Q: It is common knowledge that Orlando Sucks, I
mean everyone knows it… but why do you hate it so much? A: I
would refer you to THIS WEBSITE, it details my reasons.
Q: Is it true you work for the Bithlo travel
and tourism office and this whole website is a ploy to get Disney to move their
parks there? A: No,
and this site is in no way affiliated with bithlofloridarocks.com
Q: Will you marry me? A: If
you are a FEMALE non-smoker between the ages of 20 and 35 (preferably Asian or
Hispanic) I would encourage you
to submit your photo to the Orlando Florida Babe of the Week page and I will
take you into consideration. Drivers of 1984 Honda Civics need not apply!
Q: Do you REALLY control everything I see and
hear on the internet? A:
Yes, Google is actually a program that is running on my
computer... try not to use it too much because it makes everything slow down
when I’m playing solitaire.
Q: Have you REALLY received death threats from
two elderly ladies at the Orlando travel and tourism office? A:
Yes, I refer to them as “Thelma and Louise”. I could not
identify their hand writing because the letters were pieced together from
articles they cut out of AARP magazine. They basically stated they were watching
me, and if this site hurt the tourism industry they were going to cut off my
oranges.
Q: Are you really Walt Disney (having never
really died, but are now appalled at the state of the Disney parks, the people
they hire, their horrible choices in new attractions and their sub par
leadership)? A:
No and Yes
Q: Do you really live in Alaska and originally
wanted to make a site called www.orlandobloomsucks.com but then saw there were a
million of those sites all ready so made this one instead? A: No
and No |
Name:
The Webmaster
